It’s almost Christmas Day and tensions are high. There seems to be a point in the holiday season when our actions don’t seem to match how we truly feel. Christmas tells us to be holly, jolly, happy, and joyful.But in reality, many MEN really don’t feel that way about Christmas.
Christmases of the past can taint a man’s perspective on the holidays. We all have war stories from the childhood holidays:
-Fathers that were not present
-Family arguments
-Gifts you didn’t get
-Promises people didn’t keepD
o you feel like you are acting or faking your way through the season? Do the tensions of Christmas bring you down? Do you find yourself withdrawing or disappointing your family? If so, what should you do?
My advice: get rid of the Grinch and drink the eggnog! Let me explain…It’s hard to move on from the past and into the future. Bad memories definitely play with our sub-conscious minds. I have bad holiday memories of my own, and it can be pretty tough to let them go. But here’s the thing: Christmas 2006 is no longer about you.
Listen guys, we are all selfish SOBs and sometimes this time of year some of us gravitate toward playing this role of “victim.” We play this up and get hung up on all our bad Christmas memories. The thing is, this just doesn’t fit us as MEN.
Remember? As men, we are strong, and our families, kids, wives, girlfriends, step kids, foster kids, etc. all need us for our STRENGTH and NOT for our painful memories.
Be there for THEM.We can’t figure out all the psycho BS of our behavior, so we have to make a decision about how we are going to MOVE ON with our lives. We have to stop holding our women and our families as hostages. Don’t spoil it for them! Stop being a Grinch and let it all go! Be the guy that leads the family during Christmas! Drink the eggnog! And don’t stop there! I’m talking…
-Wear the Santa costume
-Eat candy canes
-Sing Christmas carols
-Attend church
-Watch parades
-Decorate the tree
-Wrap gifts
-Be the first one up Christmas morning
In fact, don’t just drink the eggnog… guzzle it! I think the single most important thing I did to make the most of Christmas was to be more aware of my surroundings, and more thankful that I have a family. Now it is my turn to create a positive Christmas for my family, regardless of my past hang ups!I’m telling you… the difference between a bad Christmas and a good Christmas for your entire family is YOUR ATTITUDE. Crap happens in life! So what!? Remember that life is for the living and you have got to be the man that adds to Christmas, not the guy that takes it away. Man up! Get rid of the Grinch, drink that eggnog, and enjoy!
Friday, December 22, 2006
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
TO-DO LIST: Figure out if you fill your life with more Commitments or more Obligations
As we near the end of 2006 and see the starting line for 2007, many of you will marvel at how quickly time seems to have passed by. In fact, the most precious commodity you have in life is TIME.
So how do you spend yours?
There comes a time in every man’s life when, in the course of your day, you come to an epiphany…You suddenly realize that you’re living someone else’s life… someone else’s agenda. You feel like your day is filled with obligations that someone else assigned to you. Your mental “to-do list” was not written by yourself, but by your boss, your wife, or your parent.
Have you ever felt like that? Well, you don’t have to! You need to find out if you are spending your precious time on obligations or commitments, and what the difference is between the two.So what’s the difference between obligations and commitments anyway?
The difference is your ATTITUDE! You really need to understand WHY you do the things you do every day. Your attitude will change whether you view something as an obligation or a commitment.If you have filled your time with OBLIGATIONS:You choose to live out your precious time in a spirit of proficiency and accountability with a “shut up and do it” attitude. These obligations can be something like paying taxes, or those things you do just because you feel “obligated,” like buying the last round of beers for your friends. You know you’re doing something obligatory when:
- You tend to be short with people
- You may be more aggressive
- You find yourself “keeping score or keeping track”
- You are less concerned with the outcome and just going through the motions
If you have filled your time with COMMITMENTS:You choose to live out your precious time in a spirit of whole hearted “giving,” a pouring out of yourself. With commitment, there is no holding back because you want to give… these can be something like kissing your girlfriend, playing with your kids, or getting the front row at the Christmas parade. You know you are committed when:
- You don’t find yourself “keeping score or keeping track”
- You feel alive!
- You don’t have to “think” or “work” as much
- If you didn’t do it, you would feel that you were wasting your time!
So many of you are struggling with the obligations in your lives. They can really kill your spirit. You can’t seem to understand why you’re so angry, frustrated, void of joy, unable to make a decision, unable to remain peaceful or even enjoy serenity. Obligations are hard work because there is so much accountability. Are you having trouble deciding if you have more obligations or commitments in your life? The difference between the two is the way they align to your goals that you set in your life.
For example, if you never liked kids, and never wanted to be a father, you are probably going to feel obligated to being a dad. You’re also probably obligated to:
- Show up early to and leave late from work
- Pay your taxes
- Abide to the law
But the things you should feel committed to are:
- Your family, your kids, your wife
- Your health
- Your friends
- Your understanding of God
Don’t forget that there is certainly a necessary mix of obligations and commitments in most people’s lives. So Man up! Take a look at your attitude and place more commitments on your daily “to-do” list, as opposed to just obligations. To do that, you have to get to know yourself, who you are, and who you belong to. You need to feel your own strength as a man. It may take some time to reorganize your priorities, but it will all be worth it when you’re checking off that list toward a stronger, more fulfilling, and balanced life!
So how do you spend yours?
There comes a time in every man’s life when, in the course of your day, you come to an epiphany…You suddenly realize that you’re living someone else’s life… someone else’s agenda. You feel like your day is filled with obligations that someone else assigned to you. Your mental “to-do list” was not written by yourself, but by your boss, your wife, or your parent.
Have you ever felt like that? Well, you don’t have to! You need to find out if you are spending your precious time on obligations or commitments, and what the difference is between the two.So what’s the difference between obligations and commitments anyway?
The difference is your ATTITUDE! You really need to understand WHY you do the things you do every day. Your attitude will change whether you view something as an obligation or a commitment.If you have filled your time with OBLIGATIONS:You choose to live out your precious time in a spirit of proficiency and accountability with a “shut up and do it” attitude. These obligations can be something like paying taxes, or those things you do just because you feel “obligated,” like buying the last round of beers for your friends. You know you’re doing something obligatory when:
- You tend to be short with people
- You may be more aggressive
- You find yourself “keeping score or keeping track”
- You are less concerned with the outcome and just going through the motions
If you have filled your time with COMMITMENTS:You choose to live out your precious time in a spirit of whole hearted “giving,” a pouring out of yourself. With commitment, there is no holding back because you want to give… these can be something like kissing your girlfriend, playing with your kids, or getting the front row at the Christmas parade. You know you are committed when:
- You don’t find yourself “keeping score or keeping track”
- You feel alive!
- You don’t have to “think” or “work” as much
- If you didn’t do it, you would feel that you were wasting your time!
So many of you are struggling with the obligations in your lives. They can really kill your spirit. You can’t seem to understand why you’re so angry, frustrated, void of joy, unable to make a decision, unable to remain peaceful or even enjoy serenity. Obligations are hard work because there is so much accountability. Are you having trouble deciding if you have more obligations or commitments in your life? The difference between the two is the way they align to your goals that you set in your life.
For example, if you never liked kids, and never wanted to be a father, you are probably going to feel obligated to being a dad. You’re also probably obligated to:
- Show up early to and leave late from work
- Pay your taxes
- Abide to the law
But the things you should feel committed to are:
- Your family, your kids, your wife
- Your health
- Your friends
- Your understanding of God
Don’t forget that there is certainly a necessary mix of obligations and commitments in most people’s lives. So Man up! Take a look at your attitude and place more commitments on your daily “to-do” list, as opposed to just obligations. To do that, you have to get to know yourself, who you are, and who you belong to. You need to feel your own strength as a man. It may take some time to reorganize your priorities, but it will all be worth it when you’re checking off that list toward a stronger, more fulfilling, and balanced life!
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Welcome back!
We received a lot of feedback from you all on the subject of men taking a leadership role by not compromising their strength… which brings me to now ask you: Would you consider yourself strong? I’m not talking about necessarily being able to bench press 300 pounds at the gym or carry your grandmother’s refrigerator up a stairway… I’m talking about individual strength. Your individual strength is the key to your feeling of joy and freedom!What is individual strength? Being soulfully strong.
I believe that so many men are unhappy with their lives because they don’t know they are strong… being soulfully strong means:
1. Stand strong in your convictions! This means being strong willed, strong in your decision making, strong in setting goals and achieving them, and strong in planning!
2. Do not be afraid to communicate your strength!I know what you’re thinking. Every time you try to stand strong, someone is always there calling you stubborn, opinionated, and hard headed.
Well, the secret to avoiding this is as simple as one three-letter word:“WHY?”You need to effectively communicate the “why” behind your convictions. This will make people understand your point of view and the code you live by. But, if you dig your heels in without explaining WHY, you will be perceived as hard headed.
So, the next time someone calls you stubborn because you won’t give in, back up your reasoning by explaining WHY.As for physical strength: When you are young, it is your responsibility to learn your own physical strength and test it. You have to work out – get yourself in peak physical condition and continually work the limits of your strength. The older we get, we have to rely less on the physical strength and focus more on the soulful strength. We realize and accept certain things that we were “born into” – our DNA, genes, family… we learn to work our own personal strengths to compensate for things we cannot change and when we are finally mature men, we can hopefully recognize and learn to avoid our own weaknesses…So what compromises both your physical and your soulful strength?
-Drugs
-Too much alcohol
-Worrying too much about what others think
-Past baggage
-Worrying that you are “too” something, such as too skinny, too young, too ugly, too short, too much like your father, etc.
It is when we don’t know our own character or what we stand for that we become miserable, and everyone around us suffers because of it. Do you know who you are? Let me get you started by telling you what you are NOT:You are NOT:
-Your job
-Your family
-Your country club membership
-Your religion
-Your sports team
So, guys, if all this “stuff” was taken away, could you handle it? These things do not make your character. Your strength makes you who you are and defines who you are becoming. Let me share my formula with you for figuring out who you are as a man:
1. Solitude: It begins with solitude.The only way to find out who you truly are is to spend some quality time in solitude (yes, ALONE) and that concept completely terrifies most men. Most of us spend all our time at work and with family, we barely have any time for ourselves. So take some time for yourself every day, every week, every month, every year – to truly get to know yourself.
2. The Likes & Dislikes List:Get a pad of paper and draw a line down the middle. Write the word “likes” on the left and “dislikes” down on the right. Then, spend about 20 minutes filling it in with whatever comes to mind… (for example, I like dogs, dislike cats, etc.). An important part of getting to know yourself is taking a look at what you like & what you don’t like, and noticing patterns within these preferences.
3. Play the game of “Take Away”:In your mind, take away all the material things that make you: your job, your car, your home, etc. Who are you after all that? Do you still like yourself? If not, on a second piece of paper write down some things you would need to change to begin to like the you without all that stuff.
So if you like working out at the gym to build and maintain your physical strength, keep it up…but don’t forget to work your soulful strength too, because in the end, it’s all you’ve got… Your soulful strength is who you are, and perhaps more importantly, who you were. Man up! Til next week!
I believe that so many men are unhappy with their lives because they don’t know they are strong… being soulfully strong means:
1. Stand strong in your convictions! This means being strong willed, strong in your decision making, strong in setting goals and achieving them, and strong in planning!
2. Do not be afraid to communicate your strength!I know what you’re thinking. Every time you try to stand strong, someone is always there calling you stubborn, opinionated, and hard headed.
Well, the secret to avoiding this is as simple as one three-letter word:“WHY?”You need to effectively communicate the “why” behind your convictions. This will make people understand your point of view and the code you live by. But, if you dig your heels in without explaining WHY, you will be perceived as hard headed.
So, the next time someone calls you stubborn because you won’t give in, back up your reasoning by explaining WHY.As for physical strength: When you are young, it is your responsibility to learn your own physical strength and test it. You have to work out – get yourself in peak physical condition and continually work the limits of your strength. The older we get, we have to rely less on the physical strength and focus more on the soulful strength. We realize and accept certain things that we were “born into” – our DNA, genes, family… we learn to work our own personal strengths to compensate for things we cannot change and when we are finally mature men, we can hopefully recognize and learn to avoid our own weaknesses…So what compromises both your physical and your soulful strength?
-Drugs
-Too much alcohol
-Worrying too much about what others think
-Past baggage
-Worrying that you are “too” something, such as too skinny, too young, too ugly, too short, too much like your father, etc.
It is when we don’t know our own character or what we stand for that we become miserable, and everyone around us suffers because of it. Do you know who you are? Let me get you started by telling you what you are NOT:You are NOT:
-Your job
-Your family
-Your country club membership
-Your religion
-Your sports team
So, guys, if all this “stuff” was taken away, could you handle it? These things do not make your character. Your strength makes you who you are and defines who you are becoming. Let me share my formula with you for figuring out who you are as a man:
1. Solitude: It begins with solitude.The only way to find out who you truly are is to spend some quality time in solitude (yes, ALONE) and that concept completely terrifies most men. Most of us spend all our time at work and with family, we barely have any time for ourselves. So take some time for yourself every day, every week, every month, every year – to truly get to know yourself.
2. The Likes & Dislikes List:Get a pad of paper and draw a line down the middle. Write the word “likes” on the left and “dislikes” down on the right. Then, spend about 20 minutes filling it in with whatever comes to mind… (for example, I like dogs, dislike cats, etc.). An important part of getting to know yourself is taking a look at what you like & what you don’t like, and noticing patterns within these preferences.
3. Play the game of “Take Away”:In your mind, take away all the material things that make you: your job, your car, your home, etc. Who are you after all that? Do you still like yourself? If not, on a second piece of paper write down some things you would need to change to begin to like the you without all that stuff.
So if you like working out at the gym to build and maintain your physical strength, keep it up…but don’t forget to work your soulful strength too, because in the end, it’s all you’ve got… Your soulful strength is who you are, and perhaps more importantly, who you were. Man up! Til next week!
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